The Day God Shut My Mouth

October 27, 2019
bearfacedcow

Unusual title for a post. However, it is every bit as relevant. Yes, this is another post on my ever continuing journey. I often discover that my youngest daughter always seems to read my posts and goes, “where is God in any of this?” My answer to her is “God is in all of it.” I couldn’t go through through any of this if I didn’t have the faith to go through another day in hopes that there is a job waiting for me at the end of it all, however thin my faith had felt. Regardless of what anyone believes in, faith is the root of all belief, since it is a belief in something that we do not see. Otherwise, that’s not faith. And with faith comes action. An old saying goes, “if you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat.“ And yes, our faith gets tested time and again. Mine has been tested for the longest while. And yet, through the storm, a light always shines.

Doubting… or Daring?

Like I said above, my faith was rather thin, and all hope looks dim when staring down the eye of the hurricane. This has by no means been easy. Is it worth it? As crazy as it sounds, YES! Is it easy? No! Even with everything that I have been getting out of this, it has still been difficult to see that guiding light in the storm. And, perhaps that difficulty is what led to my doubts, most likely fueled by the series of rejection letters. Mind you, with all of the job applications that I had sent out, it was bound to be met with a proportionate number of rejections. However, even with the logic and statistics behind it, it’s still difficult to grasp when you’re in the heat of the the moment. I guess it finally had to happen, with all of the anger and disappointment mounting, it would reach its boiling point. Sure enough, in the middle of my workout, it all started to “pour out all over the floor.” Despite the fact that I was able to handle more resistance, it was in anger more than anything else. And then the words came out, while pondering over a piece of scripture that said, “Is anything too difficult for God?” I blurted out, “Apparently a job is! I dare You to shut my mouth!” Talk about digging my grave with my tongue. Nevertheless, like a bullet fired from a pistol, the words had now left my lips and could not be unsaid.

The Response…

Reason with this however you will. But, this is how I see it: whether it was God rolling up His sleeves, and finally putting me in my place by answering my “petty challenge”, or if it was already in His plan, the delivery was nothing short of divine. To be more exact, I was at my bible study class and right in the middle of the lesson, I felt my phone ringing. Thinking that it was nothing more than a headhunter, or a robo-calling scammer, which I am sometimes finding myself having a little too much fun with, I had to let it pass. Just as we were wrapping up our exercise, I discovered that there was a visual voice mail message. I opened it up and there it was: a job offer. Everyone in the class saw the look on my face as I was frozen… I couldn’t speak for a few minutes. Dare I say, my mouth was shut!

Reflections

Despite everything that I have been going through, I have to say that none of it was in vain. I entered into the situation a complete mess from years of turmoil that not only derailed me from my key programming methodologies in which I loved to solve problems, but almost destroyed my passion for programming altogether. My best friend and colleague, who stuck with me throughout pretty much everything graphed it out so eloquently. This is how he presented it to me:

51 days
500 Applications
120 Interviews
45 Technical assessments
4 New technologies learned

Rediscovering my love for Java and passion for Test Driven Development = priceless!!

I’ve Only Just Begun

Knowing everything I do now, I can’t just stop there. This job offer is only the beginning of a new walk in my software development life. If anything, I have some preparation to do before I begin my new job. Everything I went through serve as life lessons for the future. Everything that I have learned about why love to code, and my passion for test driven development are to serve as my foundation moving forward. Knowing that, I need to keep my mind sharp not only in preparation for this new job, but throughout my career.

Just as important, I need to keep myself balanced by working on some music as well. There are songs that are waiting to be done. As much as I love to code, I love music just as much, if not more. I will admit however, there’s one more piece of technology I want to re-learn, and that is Reaktor. Even before the entire mess in my life, I was programming with it to make some new synthesizers and effects, giving me new musical ideas. I think that with my re-discovered love for programming, I can take it even further than before.

Most importantly, may I never forget what brought me to this point in time. May I always remember who I really am, as not only a software developer, but as a person as well. May I always remember that mustard seed-like faith that helped bring me here. And, may I have the faith to take it even further. Otherwise, may God shut my mouth!

One Comment

  1. Sometimes being Job is not a bad thing.

    Like

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