It’s Monday already…
Last things I can really remember was coming home to a somewhat depressing birthday only to be followed by a somewhat fantastic wedding shoot on Saturday. I do remember taking Joelle out to a Mother’s Day brunch on Sunday, but I think I totally slept the rest of it away. That is, if I can call it sleep. I woke up sitting at my mixing station. I guess I was going to mix some music down. I knew that I had a drum mix and a vocal take that I was totally dissatisfied with and I was probably going to do something with those. However, that obviously never happened this weekend. The question is, “what really happened this weekend?”
All I can say is thank God for my love of photography (along with music). If it weren’t for being able to see the 1000+ pictures that I shot at that wedding, then I would have no memory at all of the weekend. Funny enough, I do remember the name of the wedding couple we shot…
Yesterday, it was my birthday and I was hopeful as I turn 45. Today, I am just plain depressed when I look at how bad it was. The only real gift I got was from God, knowing that I have outlived my dad by 3 years. Other than that, a close second was a new build of software to beta test tied with Henry giving me my present in July: tickets to see Rush in concert.
Not that I expect presents or anything, and I’m certainly not trying to be selfish… but when Joelle’s birthday comes up, I do what I can to make sure that her birthday is nothing but a complete happy day, regardless of what it takes… time, money or otherwise. Heck, I even rallied my kids last year to send me their weirdest photos and I made a comic book birthday card for Joelle for her birthday and affixed it to her presents. You’d think she would think, “what would make his day” when my birthday comes… but no! I’m often hiding her surprises for 2 weeks before her birthday, sneaking them into the house under her nose (sometimes, they are in front of her face and she doesn’t even notice and I know she’s not playing with me… 26 years of experience teaches me that). When her birthday comes, I go all out to make her feel wonderful for the day.
I’m lucky enough to get a card. If anything, it just made me feel like I’m not worth the effort. I’m not worth the planning or the time. If anything, I just happen to feel worthless in my own wife’s eyes. At the moment, I just feel totally shut down and want to crawl down into my little room and the basement and pray that I’m going to wake up any moment from this depressing dream. And to rub salt in the wound, here I am taking Henry to the Apple Store to get himself a brand new MacPro.
I doubt that anyone is going to even see this blog anyhow. Joelle will never look at this and know how I am feeling. It’s not like I can simply open up and talk to her… she doesn’t understand what goes on inside of me at times. My friends probably don’t read my blogs (they have their own lives… who am I to interfere). I cry alone. And today, life simply goes on as usual as we open wedding season with a photo shoot, so I have to bury my feelings and pray that I don’t implode.
I doubt that it could get any worse if a beautiful brunette or redhead danced all over my back wearing stilettos and a red dress. Then again, that would probably be the highlight of my birthday.
Last night on my way home, the last part of my journey on the 401 took over an hour to get through. I’m talking about he 13Km stretch on the 401 between Guelph Line and Highway 6/Brock Rd. Worst part was that I had no idea it was going to be blocked beyond Guelph Line until I got there. Otherwise, I would have gotten off.
If anything, though, I wanted to personally thank the butthead who probably thought that driving 140Km/Hr in the blinding rain would never affect him or her. I wanted to thank him/her for making our one hour in the home stretch so long. I wanted to thank him/her for being the idiotic driver that (s)he was. I wanted to thank them for making not only the victim’s life a nightmare, but also ours just by being on the freakin’ road. If anything, I just wanted to show that much appreciation. Heck, I even wanted to take their picture and post it up on my blog… after all, it is our right as a Canadian.
But alas, when I got to the supposed area, nothing was there. No cars. No drivers. Not even a shard of broken glass of a headlight or a spillage of fluid (even oil leaves a residue trace in the rain). There was nothing! Zip!
That’s totally unfair! If I am going to be held up on the highway with nowhere to go for over an hour, I want to see some crushed vehicles. I want to see some dramatic car crash of metal on metal. I want to see some melting steel and gushing fluids. I want to see ambulances, fire trucks and at least two police cars. I want something to show for having to spend my extra time on the 401 on what should have been a 45 minute trip home. I want to see the face of the idiot who thoughtlessly took up my, and other people’s, time without even bothering to ask us if they could. Did I say thoughtlessly? I meant brainlessly!! I wanted the world to see what an idiot they were.
Heck, I got to see more action on the Greyhound.
I came to the realization as I was attempting to lay down some vocal tracks last night that I need to practice my vocal and breathing exercises. Funny enough, these are notes that I know that I can reach easily, and yet in front of a studio mic, especially a tube condenser that picks up everything, I start slam-dunking my notes because I am not breathing properly. The worst part of it is that I can hear it in my notes.
Considering that I am on the 401 in the morning rush hour, I should take my vocal exercises with me in the car. I have this great package called “The Zen of Screaming” by Melissa Cross and despite the colourful language (after all, we are talking about heavy metal vocalists and screamers), the breathing and vocal exercises once saved my voice at a time I needed it most, having suffered major throat damage from acid reflux and could hardly speak. I don’t know why I would stop, considering that they help major. Now that I am in the car a lot of the time, there’s no reason I couldn’t take the vocal exercise CD with me in the car and do my particular set of exercises while I’m driving. I can do breathing exercises before I go to bed every night as well, like I used to.
If anything, I need to get my vocals back into shape for this song. It’s an easy song, vocally, and fact that I am having trouble with it only proves that I haven’t been doing my exercises. It’s time to change this. I will do a bunch of guitar exercises… my voice is an instrument as well.